Jadeite, benefactor of humankind
by SailorCopperOwl
Summary: Hello, my name is Jadeite, and I'm working to make the world a better and more human place.
1. Vanity

**Okay, maybe a little preface... I currently rewatch the first season of the anime, and paid a bit more attention to the first episodes. And at a certain point, I found myself watching Jadeite and Queen Beryl wondering about the behaviour of humans, and I thought, hey, they do have a point here. Usagi and everyone else are so mindbogglingly stupid in those first episodes, even when it's played for comedy, it's painful. I'm so on the side of the Dark Kingdom here. **

**And I thought... I thought... wait, Jadeite and Queen Beryl are the sane part here? And they are alienated by humans? Could they be GOOD and I just didn't realize it before? I snatched my keyboard and poured out all the despair that Jadeite and me shared about this episodes.**

**So, this isn't a fanfic that changes the episodes. I rewatch the episodes and tell them from Jadeite's point of view. That's all. Hope it works. Hope you enjoy. Some suggestive scenes included, but nothing explicit. Please review! **

**My thanks go out to Naoko Takeuchi and everyone who made Sailor Moon possible.**

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Hello, my name is Jadeite, one of the Dark Kingdom's Shitennou, restlessly working for the benefit of mankind. I am working for this great non-governmental organization called Dark (which is short for Detecting And Rescueing Keepers') Kingdom.

What we do is monitoring societies, and when we see they are taking a wrong path, we give them well-thought, fun and educational lessons to make them see the errors of their ways and become a more human society.

It's a tough job, it really is. Humans are egoistic and learn slowly.

But I mustn't complain. I have a very skilled staff who is as devoted to our noble intentions as one could wish, and our big leader has sent us Queen Beryl, who is the greatest inspiration for all of us. Noone could be more determined and alert than she is. She also has great magical powers, and is breathtakingly beautiful.

Still, it's terribly hard to better humankind. Take, for instance, the time when we saw humans being consumed by vanity and greed, and losing their minds and enormous amounts of money on jewels. Money that could have been put to a better cause. Time that could have been spent on something worthwile instead of shopping.

You wouldn't believe the atrocious behaviour we had to see when we offered some jewels for a low price. We had been hoping they would be happy with their gems and with the money they wouldn't have to spend, we were actually thinking that greed would decrease when everyone could afford what they desired.

The opposite happened. Really, I don't understand it. Their greed and vanity just exploded. We had to extract it from them in order to prevent them to become damaged for life.

I was a bit sad about it, but Queen Beryl actually liked it. She explained to me that taking away those energies will certainly better those people, and that we should explore the impact of this measures in more depths. In the meanwhile, Queen Metallia would find a way to turn this bad, harmful human energy into something that would help us help people even more.

That cheered me up. Queen Beryl gives the most touching speeches. My heart beat like crazy. Such an inspiration!

I considered finishing he job together with Morga, my asistant for this assignment, to save more humans faster. But the reason I chose her in the first place was not only that she is very good and loving mankind like no other, but also that she can't keep her hands off my pants. No, I'd rather stay here. Nephrite can't keep his hands off my pants either, but at least that's not going to interfer with the mission. And the mission of course always comes first. Also, Nephrite is a real hottie.

Then, something terrible happened. An impersonment of vanity, greed and lots of other useless vices turned up and killed Morga. By throwing a piece of jewellery at her, of all things... how cruel. Vanity has been victorious. I still can't believe it.

She was accompanied by someone who hands out red roses to underage girls. Very high on our list of suspicious behaviour. Will have to keep an eye on him. Maybe I need to stop him. Maybe we can convince him to work for us, save humankind together. That would be great. He's actually a real hottie too.


	2. Superstition

The next time was just as disturbing.

Queen Beryl has kindly encouraged me to pursue with the collecting of harmful human energy. So inspiring!

I decided to tackle human superstition this time. It specifically bothers me when people pay money to complete strangers who then give them random advice about their lives. Money that could have been put to a better cause. Time that could have been spent on making someone else's life better instead just worrying about one's own. Why do people always crave to have someone to tell them what to do? Even Queen Beryl, who is so much more powerful and brilliant than I am, never does that. She just softly whispers her wishes, and lets me think of something to make them come true. It makes me feel so appreciated. I always leave her feeling twice as strong as before. That's true leadership! I'd do anything for her. For the mission, of course.

So, I sent one of my great assistants to Tokyo to take care of the fortune tellers and make people believe in themselves and follow their own advise. I'm a bit sad to see her go, she's so beautiful, but I have promised Nephrite to go through some paperwork with him.

Our plan to make people a bit more selfreliant failed miserably. All people listened to were their most primitive desires. Obviously, we left out some in between steps that would have taught them how to think first. One should think that was what schools are for. I'll have to take a closer look at their schools later.

We had no choice but to withdraw the evil energy that people built up when they should have been making the world a better place. Humans. I don't get them. Why don't they see how little it'd take?

Again, that teenage girl interfered who is awfully obsessed by fortune tellers and primitive instincts herself. Calls herself Senshi of Justice. Ha! One would assume she'd be on our side then. But no. Instead of ridding the world of silly advisors in cheap booths she killed Bam. Killed her. I'm not kidding you. What's wrong with the kids today? She's in the middle of puberty, and already a little killer?

And that guy gave her roses again. Encouraging juvenile crime. Thank you so much.


	3. Greed

I had been telling Nephrite about the things that happened, and he told me that working on the side of the vices was not the way to go. He said, if you want to better humans, you have to encourage them, bring forward their talent and potential to the maximum peak, and make them successful and therefor happy individuals.

He immediately demonstrated his theory by bringing me successfully to the peak of my potential, and yes, it made me happy.

So I decided to give it a try. Care for the individual. Encourage them. I took Flowa with me, who is a very successful person with a great fashion sense.

I was determined to make it work this time, and so we went for simple and foolproof. Just spreading some love and encouragement. What could be better than this?

We used a local radio station and I read some poetry, as I often get complimented on my voice and wanted many others to benefit from it. Soon people sent us love letters, and I wanted their love to blossom and read those too. They were wonderful. People had finally grasped what we were trying to tell them. I was so happy.

It didn't last long. We soon saw that encouraging people this way didn't lead to personal growth and love blossoming. Instead, there was a lot of bouncing and squealing and all kind of mindless overexcitement.

It made me a bit sad. How would they ever find the love they were writing about if the first bit of attention made them freak out like this? But what would Beryl think of me if I gave up that easily? It was Flowa who had the idea that saved our plan. We would send those over excited people whose letters we had read a pretty flower brooch that was in fact a biofeedback trainer. It'd take away the useless energy, and give people a slight warning, so they would learn from it and soon become loving, soulful people who could be with the one they loved and not getting a heart attack just from thinking of it.

Surely, everyone would rather learn and be happy, than stay instable and out of control?

Again, I was so wrong. Yes, we gained the superfluous energy which was nice. But people didn't learn a single thing. They just went on and on with their behaviour. The brooch hadn't been designed to deal with that. Also, it turned out that we invoked greed - everyone wanted a brooch now. Greed, of all things... but I didn't give up. Spreading love. Encouragement. It couldn't all have been in vain?

Then Sailor Moon crashed my program. She rambled about the brooches, and told people that their love letters meant nothing. I was shocked! Sure, we already knew she's a cold blooded killer, but why did she have to take away other people's faith in their love letters? I was just able to stumble something and stare at her.

It was Flowa who stopped her. Turned out she had been close friends with Morga and Bam and took their loss quite personal. Can't really blame her. I miss them too. And I had to save Flowa at least! But I was too slow! Sailor Moon killed her. Cut her in two right before my eyes. So horrible! And then she even attacked me.

Me. A guy twice her size. For reading love letters, and giving away jewellery. Ah, that old mistake again.

I really tried to be nice. She was a kid and could still learn. And I was on a mission of love. So I just blocked her attacks and prepared to give her a speech about her attitude.

Enter rose guy. Again. He's on a mission of encouragement too, it seems. Encouraged her in her ways. Now my thoughtful words would sure be wasted. I retreated. It would have been easy to fight them both, and win. Would have made my future missions so much easier. But opposite to Mask Boy, I can tell the difference between a child and a woman. At least I lured him away from her, it was all I could do for the moment. Maybe he would take the hint and give me a rose instead.

Nope. Idiot. Can't believe I ever thought of recruiting him.

Will have to think about further plans. Nephrite's ways, though great in themselves, might not be the right thing for our missions.


	4. Gullibility

My next move was to observe the girl who is Sailor Moon. I wouldn't have found her, but I noticed her talking cat in the streets, muttering to herself, and she led me right into the enemie's base.

I wasn't prepared for what I found. It was hell. It made a bad day in the Dark Kingdom look like a holiday resort. I don't understand.

Although it really explains a lot about her attitude.

So, I watched her. She took a bath. I liked to see how it did her good, relaxed her all over. Maybe we should have bathtubs in the Dark Kingdom, too, I could name a number of people who'd I'd like to see in that... man, this mission was really distracting.

And then she cried. Really heartbrokenly cried. I hadn't expected that. I mean, her life had looked so peaceful and happy. Why would she cry like that?

"I gained weeeeeight!"

Yes, Sailor Moon, you did indeed, I could see it very clearly, and it was adorable. It's called female curves, to say it politely. Why would anyone cry about it? Her dad was diplomatically trying to tell her that it's really okay for men to see some boobs on women, and I was momentarily proud of him. Until the rest of the family started making fun of the girl's physical development, and the coward caved in and joined them.

Of course Sailor Moon was devastated. I was too, to be honest. Why doesn't she want boobs? And why wouldn't her family like to see her eat? Isn't raising a child all about getting them fed and well? Maybe her parents were insane, and this would perfectly explain the girl getting out at night to get into nasty fights which is definitely not a sign of sanity either.

For the first time since I met her, I felt a bit sorry for her. Even the talking cat insulted her for craving any food at all, and that cat sure doesn't miss a meal and even begs for more food at the table.

Trapped in a family of sadistic psychological abuse... I watched her starve herself for days. I couldn't believe her mother who spends so much time preparing meals for her let her get away with it.

It turned out that all the girls at her school were talking about getting thinner to each other. I did some research, and found out it was all too common.

First, I was shocked.

Then, I was determined.

I set up a plan. This girl was an enemy to my missions, but that just showed how much she needed help from the Dark Kingdom.

First of all, I gave all my assistants in the Dark Kingdom the week off and bought them a huge cake to celebrate. I really needed to see women with curves have fun with food, and I told them how happy I was they liked it. It was touching to see how such a little gesture can make the world so much friendlier. It was almost embarassing to see how grateful they were. They really shouldn't have had to do me all at once just for that, but they insisted, so who am I to spoil their holidays?

Then I found the most fashionable and succesful gym in Sailor Moon's neighborhood and became an instructor there. My collegues there were so nice. They showed me everything, just everything about their job, about fitness, about their bodies, they even let me try out that bathtub they had (aaaah!), they were so generous I couldn't stop myself from giving them some jewellery in return. I know, old mistake. But they were loving it, and we were off for a really good partnership on this mission.

It turned out they were fully agreeing with me that they hated nothing more than kids who just came in to starve themselves out of any curves, while they should be looking after their health (what DO these kids learn at school?) and they were supporting my plan whole heartedly.

It was easy to lure Sailor Moon and many of her diet crazy friends into the gym. Their teacher did it for me. You are reading right. Their teacher. Wow, I knew the world needs the services of the Dark Kingdom, but I didn't know they need us so badly.

I was so lucky. The plan worked perfectly. The girls joined out of their free will for a lesson of "You'll never set foot into a gym again when I'm finished with you". I already had noticed they were all a bit slow on the uptaking, so I made the lessons as clear as possible. Humiliation, futile exhaustion, and looking ridiculous on machines built for much bigger people. They were really slow, so we had to enforce the lessons a few times. They surely would have gotten the message now.

I was wrong.

The girls were still not hating me from the botton of their hearts, they stilll weren't insulting me, throwing things at me and leaving the gym swearing. The lesson hadn't been successful yet. But on the plus side, I got to see Sailor Moon use the gym's bathtub (I still rerun that tape a lot, knowing your enemy is vital for every mission!).

As sad as I was that the girls still weren't gone, it allowed me to bring on another valuable lesson. They will thank me for it all their lives, hopefully passing it on to their children and grandchildren. The lesson is called "If a stranger takes you to a dark basement and shows you his collection of phallic toys, you must run out and save yourself immediately, no matter what he promises you."

I made this one really, really obvious. I made the toys disturbing, glared at the girls maliciously, told them I'd hit their bodies with unknown radiation. They almost fell over each other, crying "Me, me!" even when I offered to add in some bondage and exposing them in lightened acrylic tubes. I was a bit at a loss at what else to try on them. I've seen a lot over the years (we do throw interesting parties in the Dark Kingdom), but at that age? Maybe it had been a mistake to wear that pants that my fantastic collegues at the gym told me would look good on me. But no, it's too easy to blame onesself when others make mistakes. I was responsible to teach those poor girls how to keep themselves safe.

I would just have to repeat the lesson often enough, and they would finally get it. Okay, I wasn't really certain about that, so I started cheating, I took some of their energy to break their self deceipt faster. Better they slightly got hurt by a well-meaning man than falling for a real danger later.

Queen Beryl loved the plan. She even smiled at me when I reported. Queen Beryl. Smiled. At me. Me, Jadeite. It was almost too much - and then she even praised me! I almost fainted from excitement! She told me to collect more energy, and I scraped together all my courage and smiled back at her. Most inappropriate, but she didn't punish me. Could it be she liked it? Would have liked to ask Nephrite for his opinion, but he's still cranky about not having been there when we had had the cake party, and I couldn't ask Zoisite or Kunzite as we hardly ever get to see them. They are always so busy for the benefit of humankind. I hope my efforts can match theirs one day.

In the meantime, I will work on my suggestive hand moves. They're such a big hit everywhere I go. I'm working on including light effects, too. Sometimes, you just have to use magic to bring a bit of beauty into the world and nothing else.

On her way home, another guy told Moon she should eat more, because guys like boobs. Really, girls should sometimes just listen some more.

Argh, I take it back. Rose guy interfered again and told her she should NOT eat the first meal she had that day. And the cat told her once more how fat she would become. What is it with this cat? Didn't hear her say no when the boob lover offered her an extra meal, but she is mean to Sailor Moon for eating? Probably the cat wants her food, too.

Then her cat told her how worrying it was that the teacher had become so thin. Hello, cat? Wasn't this just what you had talked Usagi into? So it's okay to be underfed for a girl that's still growing, but bad for a fully grown woman? I have yet to see the dimension in which this makes sense.

Really, this mission is starting to depress me. Luckily, my lessons seemed to have at least one little effect, Sailor Moon wasn't listening to her evil cat, but came back to the gym. Maybe she would want to take another bath?

Unfortunately not, but somehow, I don't know how, my lessons, even if she doesn't seem to get them, have a reassuring effect on her when she's in distress. Maybe deep down, she knows this is good for her.

I left her to my great instructors and spent some time with her teacher. She, too, comes back for more lessons, especially for those in the basement. Since I have made it clear to her what a bad teacher she is, she comes for punishment. She really wants this to better herself, it helps me bring forward my mission, and Queen Beryl gets energy out of it. There's only winners.

I should have paid more attention to the stupid cat - she lured Sailor Moon into the situation (Sailor Moon, dominated by fluffy little kittens, what an enemy). What is it with this cat? Please, to all cats who are reading this: Don't force kids to see what grown-ups do when they want to be on their own for a while.

Of course, Sailor Moon wasn't ready for it, and deeply shocked. At least one kid that still has some innocense left. Well, not any more. Thank you, kitty.

I decided to speed up the lesson "This really isn't the place for you", and let the other instructors chase her out of the gym. It's their place after all, and I can understand how they were fed up with her now. She beat them up, guys three times her weight. Not for banning her from the gym, or being a bit rude about it, or running an adult service in their basement - but for their jewellery. Wait, what? And then cried heartbrokenly because she hadn't become thinner from this, because she obviously likes her enemies to be really a lot heavier than her.

I abandoned the mission at this point, I couldn't have done it any longer. The nerves.

I was afraid I had disappointed Queen Beryl. But she was very understanding, more than I deserved.

Now Queen Beryl, she has curves! And she has no problem with them, and why would she? She even congratulated me on the mission. Wow. It gave me so much confidence that I smiled at her again. Twice in one day. I must be out of my mind. I just can't help it.

And then I went and got more cakes. A huge one, for my lovely assistants, one that I entrusted Thetis to hand over to Queen Beryl, and one for Nephrite and me. I have a feeling these cake parties are becoming a new classic here.


	5. Cruelty against animals

Thetis told me that Beryl-sama will see me to thank me for the cake . She had this suggestive purr in her voice again. As always when she speaks of Beryl-sama.

"Why are you so happy about it?" I asked her. After all, Thetis is Beryl-sama's personal youma. Her very personal youma. "Is there trouble ahead for me? Did she hate it? Does she think I stepped over the line?"

That was a horrible, horrible thought. I would never want to anger Beryl-sama. She's a higher being, and deserves utter respect from the likes of us. It had never occured to me she might not like to be treated cake from me like my servants, or the other Shitennou, or other normal people. Suddenly, I was scared. What if I just had made the biggest mistake of my life?

Thetis was amused. That was not a good sign. She's clingy, and very jealous. And a pretty powerful sea youma on top of that.

Wait a minute, jealous? Why would she...?

"As a matter of fact," she said, "yes, she indeed thinks you don't know your place, and are unspeakably bold. But to find out if she liked that, or hated it, you'll have to speak to her yourself."

"No! No, Thetis, wait!" I could grab her arm before she teleported away.

"You must tell me if she's mad at me!"

Her glowing red eyes looked back at me. She really has beautiful eyes.

"Jadeite," she said in a soft voice. "I can't tell you that. But... you've once been very kind to me, so I will tell you this: Hurry, don't let her wait, and choose your next steps with care. Then you might win her favour, and I won't begrudge you. In fact, I shall admire you. Your feelings must be very pure and strong to make you that brave."

With these words, she vanished.

She no doubt had meant well, but now I was really confused. My feelings? Win Beryl-sama's favour? Why was she thinking I... of course it was possible that I had... but I had never shown anything but deep loyalty. And a cake. How come every time I made someone a present, I got in trouble for it?

What did Beryl-sama think now? I had to be careful. But Thetis had said, I also had to be very quick. So I hurried there, just stopping on my way to see how my loyal assistant was proceeding with the new plan.

"Oh, it's going wonderful, Master Jadeite," said Iguana, "I attack the human habit to keep animals in cages, in too tiny ones often. Cruelty. And to teach them the value of unforced feelings, I will give them something to cuddle, a cute little fuzzy haired pet that will win their heart over, someone who will stay with them voluntarily, only to receive their love."

"That sounds wonderful indeed Iguana."

"I just thought this would be just up your alley, Master Jadeite. Just the thing for you."

"Thanks," I said flatly. Oh, great, now even my own youmas start teasing me about it. Of course my closest collegues would know how I feel, but still, this made me even more nervous. Did she know something? Was she trying to tell me something? Or was she just teasing me?

"Please, Iguana," I said, "be very thorough. Don't fail me. I need this success."

"Of course. I will do everything it takes."

Now the moment of truth was near. I sighed deeply. No use delaying it. I had been told not to let Beryl-sama wait. But still... win her favour... receive their love... fuzzy haired pet (yeah, thank you Iguana)... but what if they were all wrong? What if I had dealt Beryl-sama a deadly insult?

Don't be silly, I told myself. You'd be dead already if you had. Now go and get it over with. She summoned you. Maybe she just wants to have a little talk with you?

I entered the Queen's hall.

Oh no.

An audience.

Everyone was there.

Had I been foolish enough to hope for a little talk? This was a trial.

I was dead.

All I could do was drop to my knees and be as humble as possible, to make at least one last little amend for my unforgiveable foolishness.

I wanted to apologize, but all I could say was:

"Queen Beryl!"

"Jadeite," she said. She said it in a very warm voice. So she was probably a little bit sorry that she would have to kill me? That was more than I could have hoped for.

I bowed in gratefulness.

"Jadeite," she said again, "before we start the weekly conference, let me ask you something."

"Yes, my Queen."

"At the end of the last mission, you bought lots of cakes, for all the female inhabitants of the Dark Kingdom. May I know the reason for this?"

Had I thought I was shocked when I had entered the hall? Now I was shocked!

Her voice... Could it be... could it be there was a chance she wasn't hating me?

Choose your next steps with care, and you might win her favour.

Care? I had only a few seconds to think of something. Oh what the hell, I was probably going to die anyway, this was probably my last chance to talk to Beryl-sama. I was not going to waste it.

"Of course, Queen Beryl," I said, "always at your service. My last mission..." think quick think quick think quick, "... has shown me how little appreciation humans have for the beauty and strength of women. I was filled with a desire... to show my admiration of femininity, of power, of passion, of life, of all the overwhelming qualities I find here in the Dark Kingdom, and I felt the need to express and share my feelings."

Wow. I was impressed by myself. I couldn't certainly have crammed in more keywords that could be said in front of a crowd of leering youmas who pretended they were on a business conference when all they wanted was to pick up on the gossip. Or see a bloody execution.

I didn't dare to look at Beryl-sama. But something in the murmurs around me told me she had liked my sppech. So she had gotten my message now. She had to. A sledgehammer couldn't have been less subtle. And there had been sugar roses on her cake.

So the question was... if she wasn't insulted... and now she knew about my feelings... what would she do?

She started the conference. Of course. With all these spectators around, there was hardly anything else she could do. But her voice was still softer than I had heard her ever before.

She asked me about the current mission, and I was happy to tell her that Iguana was already taking care of another evil trait of humans.

I was already about to calm down, when suddenly, out of nowhere, Beryl-sama started to talk about the desires of humans. How strong their desires can be, how a little push can set them free into something even stronger, something untameable.

No words can describe my feelings at that moment. Of course she wasn't talking about humans. For the first time that day, I looked up, into her eyes that shone warmly upon me. And I answered. I may be a lowly Shitennou, not worthy to tie the laces of her shoes in case she wore any. But if she was thinking I was worthy to play this game with her, I was not going to back out.

I kept up the pretence of the conference, talking about not letting such an energy pass without taking care of it, or whatever I mumbled at that moment. And she liked it. And before she released us from the conference, she told me to proceed. Carefully.

I closed my eyes. The game was on. A dangerous game. A stupid game. Not exactly allowed. But right now, I wouldn't have changed my place with any other man in the world.

I left the rest of the mission to Iguana. She wrapped her tail around Sailor Moon, hehe. We know what that means. Sailor Moon seemed to know it too, and killed her before she could proceed.

I felt bad for losing Iguana who had always been good company. But I was also wondering if I should take her fate as a warning to me. She had wanted to help me with my intentions, she had fought for it, and now she was dead.

Well, I couldn't help it. All I could do was see to it that her sacrifice hadn't been in vain. I would have to plan my next steps very well.


End file.
